Conversations Concerning 'That'
by Tsuki-no-oni
Summary: complete! little inuyasha has some questions and with no one to turn to than his older brother Sesshoumaru, the hanyou child boldly asks his brother about...'that'. akina & tsuki fic
1. What? Swords and humans?

DISCLAIMER: T_T I don' wanna say it. *pouts*  
  
Inu: you have to! *whines* you're scary—there's no way that you own me!  
  
*sad face* why...? *chokes* I...dontowninuyasha!  
  
Inu: *grins* I don't understand why you always have such a hard time of typing it...  
  
*bonks him over the head* did I ask for the assistance of a muse? I think not...  
  
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(A/N: Sess never looses his cool through any of this, unless he's glaring or blinking. Remember that as you read, kk?)  
  
Inuyasha walked into his older brother's room. Only about half the height of the full demon, the child hanyou had never won a wrestling match against his brother let alone ever held an entire conversation with him. Usually, when there was a problem he went to his mother. But now...  
  
Taking a large breath and swallowing any of the fluid left in his mouth, he walked through the door without knocking. Like most teenagers, Sesshoumaru was already preoccupied. He was actually curled up in a ball near his window and reading a book. The older youkai looked like he was pretty involved in the book, but it didn't squelch Inuyasha's determination.  
  
"Sessy!" he cried, running over to his brother and giving him a huge hug. "Please! I have to talk to you!"  
  
The teen blinked in surprise before developing a large tick on the back of his head and raising a fist. "Inuyasha..."  
  
He squeaked and let go of his brother, jumping back. "Sorry, I forgot about the no-touching rule,"  
  
"Don't ever do it again," Sesshoumaru replied, turning back to his book. Inuyasha stared for a moment.  
  
"Sess..." he whined. "I need to talk to you,"  
  
"Me?" he didn't sound interested. "About what?"  
  
"You know...that," Inuyasha said innocently, staring wide-eyed at his brother.  
  
Sesshoumaru blinked in curiosity and stared at his younger brother over the rim of his book. The child grinned widely, as if he were encouraging the older boy to answer his internal questions without being asked in the first place.  
  
Sess sighed and looked back down at his book. "If the 'that' is what I believe it to be, go and ask dad."  
  
Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I can't, I'm too scared."  
  
"Of dad?" Sesshoumaru replied. When he saw the hanyou's cherry-red face, he sighed. "Then go and ask your mother."  
  
Inuyasha made a face as if he had eaten something bitter. "No! Ew, gross, she's a girl! I can't ask girls!"  
  
Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. Obviously, he himself was the next logical choice. With great pain he put down his book and bent the corner of the page to keep his place. Leaning back against the wall, he stared at his brother. "Ask away then. What are you just waiting for?"  
  
"I don't know what to ask," Inuyasha said, his voice squeaking. He wrung his hands together, perplexed.  
  
Sesshoumaru stared up at the ceiling. 'Why me?' he mouthed at the painted wood.  
  
"Well...when dad explained everything to me, he related it all to..." at this point Sesshoumaru leaned forward, beckoning Inuyasha closer as if he were about to share a great secret. "...swords, and..." at this moment Sesshoumaru jumped up. He acted as if he had grabbed a microphone and held out his free arm dramatically. "...humans!"  
  
Inuyasha gasped. He stared at the glowing Sesshoumaru for several minutes, and then he scratched the top of his head with his foot. "I don't see how that helps anything. Swords and humans?"  
  
"Perhaps because of your tainted blood you miss the metaphor," Sess admitted, sitting back down and picking up his book.  
  
Inuyasha gasped, realizing that the simple statement 'swords and humans' was all he was going to get out of his brother. Panicking because that statement would hardly fill anyone's mind with knowledge, let alone a confused hanyou child, Inuyasha climbed onto his brother's lap and grabbed the book. He bent the page and tossed it over his shoulder, grabbing two fistfuls of Sesshoumaru's hair as soon as he had his hands free.  
  
"Sess!" Inuyasha whined. "Tell me more!"  
  
The elder youkai stared levelly at Inuyasha for a moment, glowering at the loss of his book. "You realize that I hate you," he said bluntly.  
  
"Well, yeah, of course. You've always hated me. But right now...your life is in danger if you don't tell me!" Inuyasha exclaimed.  
  
"What?" Sesshoumaru spat, narrowing his eyes into his death glare.  
  
Yes people, this is the death glare you are thinking of. The glare that makes full-grown demons weep, makes wolves run away, and makes human girls with names that start with 'R' shut up. Inuyasha, remarkably...wasn't...okay. He began to cry.  
  
When Sesshoumaru grinned because he thought that he had won and this fact filled his tummy with a happy feeling, since he rather enjoyed making Inuyasha cry. The young demon was always so stupid after he burst out in tears. He would sniffle and try to conceal the weakness from everyone around him by pulling strands of his hair over his face. Sesshoumaru watched these proceedings with great joy, trying not to laugh out loud.  
  
While Inuyasha was busy draping his own hair over his face, Sesshoumaru reached over to get his book. Maybe he could finish the well-written romance novel before dinner, and threaten Inuyasha's mother for another one. His father would be upset if he learned just how sappy Sess really was, so he tried to keep his reading adventures as quiet as possible.  
  
His hand almost on the cover, Sesshoumaru was surprised almost immediately. For one, Inuyasha jumped up and stood on his arm. Secondly, the young boy grabbed the book by both sides of the cover and began to pull.  
  
"I'll rip it apart if you don't explain what you mean!" Inuyasha cried.  
  
Sesshoumaru gasped in a girly way, a hand rising to his face subconsciously. Why, he would never know what happened to get Ross and Tania together! And along those same lines, would little Jimmy ever pull out of his tragic disease?  
  
Jumping up, he made Inuyasha hop backwards at the randomness of the movement. Sess growled, the corners of his eyes glowing slightly red.  
  
"You're dead, kid!" he exclaimed, jumping on top of his brother and trying to get his book away without hurting it. They wrestled for a while, and eventually ended up on either side of the book, pulling at the cover.  
  
In a burst of thread and papers, the miraculous story of Ross, Tania, and little Jimmy exploded all over the room. Both of the boys stood there for a moment. The elder was heartbroken that he would never see the ending, and the younger had begun to fear for his life.  
  
Lowering his head, Sesshoumaru glared darkly at his brother. "Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!" he exclaimed, chasing the frightened hanyou all the way into the hall.  
  
Inuyasha stood in the place that he had started, trying to catch his breath. It was then that he realized in all of his efforts, even after winning a physical victory over the infazable Sesshoumaru, he still hadn't gotten any answers.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Inuyasha cried. "WHAT THE HELL DID HE MEAN BY SWORDS AND HUMANS??!"  
  
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Chrissy has partial credit for this one, though it was me that put it into words. ^_~ hope you liked it, maybe there will be a part two sometime! As of now, we're sticking with the idea of a one-shot.  
  
~akina kumi-tami (partial idea) ~~Tsuki (words)  
  
^_^ don't forget to R&R!!  
  
Inu: at least then she'll know to stop writing these horrible fics...  
  
Hey! *bonks him over the head, then reconsiders and tweaks his ears* ^_^  
  
Inu: =_=;;  
  
*after dealing with her unwanted muse* k then...sayonara for now!! 


	2. Sess gets a shocker

feudalfairyfan4ever oh I know! I need a plushie so I can sit around all day and hug him and tweak his ears!! ^_^ ReginaLucifer why yes...yes, he did always have some language issues. ^_~ glad you liked it! jarjayes well, I won't tell you sorry because I'm not. You wanted more in that chapter, and not another chap? Hmm...odd... O_o FERRARI F-40 I mean, by the name that begins with 'R', 'Rin'. O_o;; thanks thou, I've been told it's a good story. That's why I spent so long working on chapter two! ^_^ Kiara17 (that's okay, I'm like that too... ^_^ heh, I was the nut that wrote it!) *cough cough* yeah, it's supposed to be funny. Hope I'm not coming off too serious... Fuf thought that you'd like it Colleen. ^_~ hey...what would you think if I dyed my hair? (random, I know) MoroTheWolfGod really? so can I. ^_^ actually, I just finished a good one and couldn't decide what it was he should be reading... ^_~ akina kumi-tami well, m'dear, what did you think I would do when you said most of it with me? (for all you other people, Akina is my BFF and we came up with this idea together, tho I called it first. Read her fics, I beta for her!! ^_^) psst--you write just fine! ...but I called it first, because you're too slow... *sticks out tongue* sure took us long enough with a plot for chap two, tho...hmm...could have been all the cuddling I was doing, it melted my mind... GeoFount ^_^ glad you like it!! hehe, I like that line too. actually, a fanart would be in order for the freaking out over the romance novel...O_o Twistedreamer yeah, he may recover...but after what happens in the next chap, I'm not sure that he'll have retina left to read with! ^_~ power2thepink ^_^ glad you think so! thanks! Sesshomaru13 hehe, I read that HP fic a while ago! all of them, actually. we got the idea when we were talking about those plots with youkai mating season, but I did manage to convince akina to go looking for plugs and outlets...^_^ UsagiKurari sowwie that you don't get it, i hope you do eventually! i do plan to write some more, since I got so many reviews!!! ^_^ CometsChaos ^_~ Bunny Meatball/Odango Usagi I'm happy to oblige with part two for you! ^_^  
  
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Peeping around the corner of Sesshoumaru's bedroom door, Inuyasha discovered that his brother was nicely occupied. Still dry-sobbing and collecting the remains of the Wonderful Tale of Ross, Tania, and little Jimmy, the older teen didn't even notice his brother entering the room.  
  
Back against the wall, Inuyasha went commando-style. The young hanyou slid across the wall with his fingers raised in a makeshift gun, eyes trained on the back of his femmy brother's head. Finally, he reached his destination.  
  
Target: located. Commencing operation steal-the-sword.  
  
Closing his small hands around Tenseiga and pulling, Inuyasha ran like hell to get out of the room before his brother noticed. It wasn't until he ran into the wall at the end of the hallway and dropped the precious sword that he even stopped running/screaming and realized he wasn't dead yet.  
  
Only a matter of time...  
  
There was only one simple reason he had taken the sword. Sesshoumaru had told him that it was like swords and humans. If he didn't understand the analogy figuratively, he would have to see it literally to grasp. Inuyasha knew of only one human that irritated him enough to merit a few stabs in the chest, and that human lived not far away.  
  
Panting from his dash away from Sesshoumaru, he made his way out of the youkai castle and out into the nearby human monestary. Luckily, Sess was too dignified to enter the place, and it was the residence of Inuyasha's best friend—Miroku.  
  
The small human boy had a problem with his right hand. It was something life-threatening, but Inuyasha didn't really care or remember either. He carried around a miniature version of the purifying staff that the adult monks of the world carried. Miroku's favorite pasttime was bopping Inuyasha over the head with his mini-monk stick as many times in a row as he could without getting his head chewed off.  
  
This irritating action was what announced Miroku's presence to the hanyou that afternoon. Inuyasha was surprised and nearly dropped the Tenseiga again, having issues carrying the sword to begin with since it was nearly taller than he was.  
  
"Miroku, this isn't the time for that. I was asking Sesshoumaru about...you know, girls, and I only have a little bit left to live before he comes and eats me alive. You have to explain everything that you know!"  
  
The perverse little boy grinned peversedly, his perverted little perverse thoughts perversing rapidly in his perverted perverse mind. "Ask me what you will, young Inuyasha," Miroku said sagely.  
  
Disregarding the slight thought that Miroku was probably younger than him, Inuyasha shrugged and asked anyway. "What do you know about...swords and humans?"  
  
Miroku's eyebrows shot up. "Trying to impress a girl with that sword, Inu? It's too tall for you, firstly, and secondly girls our age aren't really into the whole blood and guts and bugs thing. Unless it's an older woman...?"  
  
"No! It's no one, I'm just...curious," Inuyasha replied. Damn my curiosity to the deepest place in hell right where it belongs...  
  
"From me to you, the sword isn't the way to go Inuyasha. Girls tend to freak out over the whole chopping off of limbs and bloody warfare issue. Sure, we live in the warring states era, but it doesn't matter to them. Just this morning, I had to chase a rat out of the brothels in town. Everyone was screaming..."  
  
"Miroku, what do you know?" Inuyasha asked bluntly. This was his last resource—if Sess hated him and Miroku wouldn't tell, then he would have to go to—he gulped—his father.  
  
"Allow me to demonstrate my friend, allow me to demonstrate."  
  
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Sesshoumaru knew that his detestable little brother was missing. He knew that the boy had his precious Tenseiga, girly though the healing sword seemed. And also...he knew that Inuyasha's damnable human mother was never going to give him another book if he didn't find the boy by midnight.  
  
"But..." he trailed off, lost for an argument. The human wench had him—there would be no more glamorous tales of love and valour unless there was some dragging of young hanyou butt back home.  
  
"Find him, Sessoumaru. If you're lucky, I can find another copy of the last book you destroyed by the time you get back."  
  
Sess nodded, resisting the almost unstoppable urge to point out that it had been the woman's own son to rip up her book. Biting his tongue, he walked off to find Inuyasha and make his life a living hell. The child would not get off easy for this humiliation, oh no, the child would not get off easy for this humiliation.  
  
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Miroku reached over and grabbed a rock. "This is a butt,"  
  
"It's a rock," Inuyasha said blankly.  
  
"Don't be dense, if I tell you it's a butt then a butt it is. Now, observe,"  
  
Miroku pinched the rock.  
  
Inuyasha stared at the rock for a moment, and then at Miroku, and then at the rock again.  
  
"What was that?" he asked curiously.  
  
Miroku demonstrated again, and Inuyasha nodded. Setting down Tenseiga on the ground next to him, he fumbled around for a rock.  
  
"Make sure you don't stick your hand in a thorn bush. They're all over this time of year," Miroku warned. The sentence was irrelivent to the plot of the story, but he said it so stop wondering why and keep reading.  
  
Inuyasha finally got up and walked around to the rock that Miroku was sitting on. "Get up, I'm going to borrow this."  
  
"It's too big," Miroku warned. "But okay...I'm not getting up, though."  
  
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Sesshoumaru sighed in relief when his nose led him straight to the boy. Inuaysha's scent was all over the hill, and it was easily mistaken with several other young pups from the castle.  
  
The boy was spending time with his human friend, as Sess knew he was going to be. Walking into the clearing, he prepared to chase Inuyasha across the mountain if need be.  
  
Sesshoumaru was not prepared for what he saw.  
  
His kid brother was groping the human boy. And the other child wasn't even flinching! Obviously, this had been going on for some time. Sess shook his head regretfully. He hadn't been aware of just how perverted his little brother was. In that light, perhaps steering him towards women would do good and put an end to his perverted actions.  
  
That was when he remembered why he was there.  
  
"You have death all over you, Inuyasha!" Sess exclaimed, cracking his knuckles.  
  
"Really?" Inuyasha asked, straightening and looking down at himself. Suddenly, he turned and ran point-blank away from his brother.  
  
Prepared for this, Sess gave chase. It wasn't until he heard splashing that he realized they had A) left Tenseiga with Miroku and B) made it to the local baths. Cheeks turning pink, he located his brother and chucked several large objects at him.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Sesshoumaru called to the young hanyou once he had his attention.  
  
"I'm washing off the death, Sessy!" Inuyasha replied cheerfully, scrubbing at his silver hair.  
  
Sess leaned back against a wall and looked up at the sky. The words 'why me' formed on his lips before he curled into a fetal position and sobbed at the way his day had been going.  
  
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there you go! Sorry that it took so long, but Akina and I had to come up with everything we wanted to put in this chapter, and we were also appearing in a play...plus, I've been rather depressed and heartsick lately over a long-term crush, so...my writing ain't been all that swell. Thank you for all the reviews, everyone! ^_^ *skips off to cuddle and play footsie* ^_~  
  
~Tsuki ~~Akina Kumi-Tami ~~~and also, our new unofficial beta-reader, Kitty Samurai!! ^_^  
  
the story of how we acquired an unofficial beta reader named Kitty:  
  
Kitty is one of Tsuki and Akina's buddies, tho she is distance challenged when it comes to their sleepovers and diabolical plans. Thus, today when Kitty was informed over the phone that we had updated CCT, she went and read it and screamed her disappointment in Tsuki (the literal author) into the telephone. The now-deaf-in-one-ear Tsuki went and found the correct spelling of 'Tenseiga' and fixed it. And that's why there's more written on the bottom than there was before! ^_^  
  
Renkou I noticed that, my unofficial beta-reader pointed it out this afternoon. So I fixed it for all of you, and that's why I've updated! ^_^  
  
Renkou I apologize, but we needed something to say. We're not really thinking too logically here, and thus it almost makes sense and then it doesn't. *shrugs* glad you licked it though! ^_~  
  
MoroTheWolfGod okay, as long as you send us pictures!! ^_^ Akina and I love getting funny pictures...*pokes her* lol, I like that sentence too...  
  
Kage Neko we'll try to oblige soon, but there's the whole AKINA-LEFT-ME- FOR-FLORDIA issue and then we need a sleepover or something, so... =_=***  
  
feudalfairyfan4ever *cheers* yay, we love Inu too! ^_^ hey all you people out there, what would happen if we challenged you to a nice little fanart from our story? ^_~  
  
~Tsuki ~~Akina Kumi-Tami 


	3. Kikyo and her Cooties

Hello, it's us again. Akina's sitting next to me right now, so this one will be rather direct.  
  
Akina: kudos to us! ^_^  
  
Tsuki: yes, kudos! ^.~ I love this story...BUUUURRRR-IIIITTT-OOOOO!  
  
Akina: heh heh heh. Zim. Heh heh heh.  
  
(pppssstt...review replies are on the bottom this time, k?)  
  
Akina: (while we're writing) and the plot thickens...  
  
Tsuki: dum dum duh!  
  
cell phone buzzes  
  
Tsuki: crap.  
  
Akina: watch your language! This is a PG-13 story!  
  
Tsuki: T_T why...?  
  
Akina: =_=;;;;;;;;;;;;; why do I have to be the one that deals with you. NO MORE POCKY!  
  
Tsuki: *dies*  
  
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Inuyasha waited until he saw that Sesshoumaru was no longer paying attention to him. The older boy had looked up at the ceiling to apparently converse with the tiles. That was fine by the little hanyou, who took the opportunity to run point-blank away.  
  
Stark. Naked.  
  
Running into a crowd of elderly and scandalized humans, he grinned stupidly when people started screaming.  
  
"Oi!" Miroku called. Inuyasha turned towards the sound of the voice.  
  
"Hey," he said casually.  
  
"We should...probably, um...leave..." Miroku whispered, several of his elders gathering about to glare at him. "Um...oh, hi dad!"  
  
Unable to fully comprehend the trouble that his best friend was in for 'knowing the streaker', Inuyasha wandered off in search of...well, clothes.  
  
Wearing what had once been a drapery, Inuyasha strode purposefully towards the local shrine. If he wasn't mistaken, there were many girls in that area. He had decided to test out Miroku's theories for himself. After all, it would only be so long until Sess found him again.  
  
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Sesshoumaru looked back down to find his annoying kid brother had run off again.  
  
"Damnit," he swore, clenching a fist.  
  
That was when he realized that he had not accomplished his personal goal in hunting down his brother.  
  
The. Tensigah. Was. Missing.  
  
Suffering a minor heart attack, Sess had to be revived by the local parimedics. They had been out and about because there had apparently been some sort of midget stripper epidemic which had caused several elderly folks to suffer the same problems the teen had, for totally different reasons.  
  
Hmm...midget stripper epidemic...sounds like—but no, that's impossible.  
  
Shaking his head to get any thoughts of his brother and his brother's little friend out of his mind, he scanned the area for a small head of silver hair.  
  
Where the hell would he have run off to?  
  
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Inuyasha was having the time of his life. He was surrounded by girls (even though he wasn't really old enough to be having mushy feelings), and knew in the back of his mind that this was a very good thing. Grinning toothily, he remembered suddenly his reason for coming.  
  
He discovered that there was a young girl about his age sitting a short distance away from him. In fact, she was within arm distance. Wearing a strange red and white mini-miko outfit, and armed with a mini-miko set of bow and arrows, her brown hair was pulled into a freakishly impossible ponytail.  
  
Yes, he decided, this girl would do nicely.  
  
Reaching out a hand, he...  
  
SMACK!  
  
"AARRRGGGGHHH!" she screamed, jumping up and fitting a mini-arrow to her mini-bow.  
  
Inuyasha also jumped up, taking the tic in her forehead to be a bad thing.  
  
Uh-oh...  
  
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Sesshoumaru didn't need a lot of time to find his brother. He realized that the soon-to-be-dead child had taken his sword. Thus, finding him would once again accomplish two goals at once.  
  
After the resounding 'smack' noise echoed across the mountain valley (since there is now a mountian valley, because we have authoress powers—mwhahahahahahahaha!), and the aggrivated girlish scream that followed, Sess had little to no doubts of his brother's whereabouts.  
  
Well, at least now I'll have help killing the idiot and a plausable story to cover his disapearence.  
  
And his death will not only bring me pure happiness, but if I kill him now I'm only that much closer to Ross, Tania, and Little Jimmy.  
  
Not even remotely disturbed by the thoughts in his own head, Sess noded and smacked a fist into the open palm of his other hand, nodding decisively as he did.  
  
And then...I'll get myself some cheesecake to celebrate life as an only child once again. You can never go wrong with cheesecake.  
  
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Darting about as if he were a trained acrobat, Inuyasha managed somehow to find his way out of the shrine.  
  
"Do that flippy thing again," the girl said, shooting another pink arrow at him.  
  
"What do you think this is? I'm fighting for my life here."  
  
"Life? Naw, these will only purify you."  
  
Inuyasha blinked. "Cut it with all the big words, you stupid shriney person! That arrow's pink and pink equals girls and girls equal COOTIES!"  
  
She blinked. "Cooties?" the arrow lowered to the ground and she aimed a level glare at him instead. "What are those?"  
  
Inuyasha was shocked. She had never heard of cooties before? Obviously, this girl carried them. It was the only plausable explaination.  
  
"Well, um...shrine person...cooties are bad."  
  
She blinked. "My name's Kikyo. And I had already deduced that they were bad, thank you."  
  
"Again with the words! What are you, the head of your pack or something?"  
  
"Pack?" she asked stupidly.  
  
"Pack," he agreed, not knowing any better. "Who taught you about life, baka? Cooties are the only life-threatening thing that there is!"  
  
"I can think of a lot of other life-threatening things." Kikyo tilted her head. "But I won't. You know, you have cute ears."  
  
Inuyasha's eyes got as round as saucers. "Cute?" he squeaked.  
  
"Yeah. Acutally, I'll forgive you for what you did before if I can touch them."  
  
He clamped his hands over his head. "AAARRRGGGHHH! STAY AWAY, PSYCHO COOTIE BEAST!"  
  
Running now for his life as well as his manly pride, Inuyasha ran straight into something solid. (Dum dum duh).  
  
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Sess was glad that he had found his brother in the company of a girl. At least he knew that the child wasn't engaged in nefarious acts with another little boy. However, judging from the cute-puppy look on the little creature's face, Inuyasha had a serious stalker on his hands.  
  
He watched at they chased each other around again, mouth twitching slightly at his younger brother's exclaimation.  
  
I swear that I was never that stupid.  
  
Joyfully for him, Inuyasha turned and ran straight into his open arms. Picking up the little hanyou and slinging him over his shoulder like a large bag of books, Sesshoumaru walked in the direction of their home.  
  
"Bye Inuyasha! See you tomorrow!" Kikyo said, waving energetically.  
  
Inuyasha made a 'hmmph' noise and glared icily at her.  
  
Well...things could have been worse. He could have been completely gay.  
  
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there you go! It's our best friend's birthday, we have to leave early. Sowwie. Akina has to leave me...T_T  
  
Thank you all so much for your reviews! We love you, we're going to respond right now. Yay, maybe she doesn't have to leave! Thank you...^_^ ack, her cell phone voulme is really REALLY loud. Akina's mom is talking while I type...anyway, sorry that it's taking so long for us to update. We really do love this story, it's just rare that we come up with ideas. And don't worry, Sess will eventually see the end of Ross, Tania, and Little Jimmy's story. ^_~  
  
only four reviews after the few we got before? T_T  
  
fuf the confuzzled it means that you obviously have too many nicknames, since you didn't appear to remember that one. *rolls eyes* crazy girl with her taco epidemic...  
  
UsagiKurari why yes, that was our next chapter! And there are several more planned, actually...(as of now) Don't worry about your sister, I have two to myself and Akina has a little brother (Tsuki: he's so adorable! ^_^ Akina: *twitch*) instead of wanting to rip her head off, lock her in a closet and feel fulfilled.  
  
akina kumi-tami (this is my co-author) um...thanks for reviewing for US again. ^_^ and...um...thank you...and...I said all my stuff in my own review, as you very well know. So...um...heh...yeah. I like this chap better than the last one, personally.  
  
Tsuki-no-oni (this IS the co-author) don't worry Tsuki, we all know you're not pathetic. (Tsuki: mostly) So, where are those chili-cheese fries? In Canada you say? (Tsuki: Why yes. In Canada. Next Friday in fact) Gr. Oh well. And if you don't recall, I almost DID chew your head off when you claimed the idea, but you word just so much better than I ever could have. And so, I will hand back over the keyboard, and patiently await my next plate of REAL chili-cheese fries. 


	4. the End is Revealed

Tsuki: *sleeps*  
  
Akina: No! We're going to write more! Wake up wake up wake up wake--*beats Tsuki with giant waffle*--up! WAKE UP!  
  
Tsuki: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  
  
Akina: =_=;;;;;;;  
  
Tsuki: @_@ g'morning!  
  
Akina: it's four o'clock in the afternoon you baka, get up and type!  
  
Tsuki: so...I'm just your typing slave?  
  
Akina: ...yes.  
  
Tsuki: well, if you're my idea taco, then...I suppose that it works. *sings*  
  
Akina: I have a hammer, that's not too wise.  
  
Tsuki: *gives in* fine, we'll update. Sheesh, always wanting to update...  
  
Akina: ^_^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Where are we going, Sess-fluff?"  
  
"What did you just call me? Don't repeat it. No pet names."  
  
"Oooooh-kkaaaayyyy...." Inuyasha said with a small huff. "Grumpy."  
  
"Mm," Sesshoumaru replied, not really paying attention to his idiot little brother. "Now, if you just hold still, I can find out what happened to Ross, Tania, and Little Jimmy and then you may escape me with your life."  
  
"With...my..." Inuyasha trailed off, struggling to comprehend what it was that Sess was telling him.  
  
"That's right," Sesshoumaru snapped, storming into their home. "WENCH!"  
  
The frightening human woman appeared almost instantly, glowering up at him. "How many times, Sesshoumaru? Do I have to talk with your father again?"  
  
"No," he muttered.  
  
"Let's hear it," she demanded, tapping one foot.  
  
"Stepmother," he said through gritted teeth.  
  
Immediately, she brightened up. Grinning in a manner that would have been charming if she were any other person and not the scary human wench that she was, she clapped her hands. "Oh, goody! You found Inuyasha! I'll see about your book now, okay? Maybe after dinner, sweetie,"  
  
"Sweetie?" he growled, putting down his little brother. "You mean that while I went through mental hell to bring your perverted little kid back here, you were lounging around doing nothing? How am I supposed to find out what happens? How?!"  
  
"I know what book you were reading. Ross left Tania and Little Jimmy died."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" several tics popped up on his head and he twitched, reaching for his sword. That was when he realized that he didn't have his sword.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Inuyasha tiptoed away from his brother and his mother. He knew somewhere that things were yet to be resolved, but he didn't know just how important these things were.  
  
When he heard Sesshoumaru's anguished scream, he knew just how important the loose ends to the story were. Namely, either the teen had finally cracked over the ending of his book, or he had realized that the sword was missing.  
  
"INUYASHA..."  
  
"Eep!" he exclaimed, breaking into a full-out run.  
  
It would be a race for his life, a race for understanding, and...cheesecake.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Sesshoumaru was seeing red. Quite literally, since demons have the nifty eye trick. Looking all spiffy with his red eyes, Sesshoumaru was tearing up the mountian and his father's home with one thought on his mind.  
  
I will KILL my brother.  
  
Several flashes of red alerted him immediately to the hanyou's escape route. Why the boy had chosen the only color he couldn't use to his advantage, Sess would never know. He was as obvious as a flamingo amongst a pack of penguins.  
  
When did I get so romantic with my words? Sess wondered. Ah, oh well. Right now, I have to stay focused. Must KILL the hanyou.  
  
But...the ending...that stupid wench...aw, (Akina: Tsuki, don't you dare write that word! *lifts waffle of choice* Tsuki: ooooohhhkaaaayyyy....) screw it.  
  
Filled with a renewed sense of purpose, the youkai continued on his death rage. Inuyasha began to scream wherever he was, quickly alerting his brother to his exact whereabouts.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run run.  
  
–followed by a chorus of—  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
And then there was...  
  
Grab.  
  
"Awck!" Inuyasha cried.  
  
"Awck? What the hell does that mean, baka? And what the hell did you do to my sword?!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Very good, now where is it?"  
  
A retarded jumble of syllables was then issued from the frantic hanyou's young mouth, confusing the teen to the point of true irritation.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Grumbling and realizing that his retarded brother was never going to admit where he had left the precious sword, Sesshoumaru was left with only his logic to help him.  
  
Tensigah hadn't been at the shrine with the stalker, which could only mean that it was in one other place.  
  
Suddenly, Sess felt cold.  
  
That perversing perverted boy has my Tensigah. The little perversing pervert had better not be doing perverted perverse things to my preciously non-perverted prevert-free sword (which is not preverted, perversing, perverse, or any other term of the word perv).  
  
This was cause enough for the teen to shiver, despite the lack of cold air. Actually, it was summery and quite warm out, being Japan and not frickin' stupid cold Michigan in the US. (Akina: *growls* it was a close call, Tsuki. Let's not let those fingers slip. Tsuki: fingers...? Oh, yes, I'm typing aren't I? ah...well, I hate Michigan. Akina: this isn't the time nor place for this discussion. Foo-chee! (happy whip noise that Tsuki makes all the time))  
  
Rolling his eyes, Sesshoumaru had no choice but to pick up his brother once again (like he had when this chapter started), and set off into the wild to find the perverted boy.  
  
There was no point in asking why, because now he knew the answer. It was his God-given destiny to educate the hanyou child in the ways of the world and prevent such a terrible day from ever occouring again.  
  
Help...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tsuki: and there we go.  
  
Akina: heh. All done!  
  
Tsuki: too bad we don't video record us writing these odd chapters. I mean, this time we both stopped and sat here with our arms in the air going "foo chee foo chee". ^_^  
  
Akina: ^_~  
  
Tsuki: and I mean, we've been doing entertaining things this whole time, but you're missing it because you're not here and we have no means of explaining our antics.  
  
Akina: *whispers behind Tsuki's back* don't mind her, she's insane. One coffee too many this morning. I tried to stop her.  
  
Tsuki: *whispers* she did. Why are we whispering?  
  
Akina: because I'm going to kill you if you don't review reply now, and I didn't want the sudden silence to be a shock.  
  
Tsuki: ...O_o  
  
Akina: (this is really the real Akina typing) that's the last time I ever let you speak as me, I'm not the sadistic part of the duo.  
  
Tsuki: heh. She says she's not sadistic. Heh. Silly little waffle, everyone has a special sadistic place in their hearts.  
  
Akina: REVIEW REPLIES!  
  
Tsuki: eep! Yes, right away Chrissy...(ppst, these were written this morning, about six hours before the chapter and while Tsuki was still on her coffee binge)  
  
fuf (colleen--ya happy??) how is it scary? *bobs head to Lestat* shows how many times I've checked reviews lately if you wrote on Tara's b- day...*sweatdrops*  
  
UsagiKurari heh. On one occasion, I just sat on my annoying little sister until my parents got home. It was great fun, especially when she decided not to breathe any more. (don't worry, she's not actually dead—unfortiunately). I don't think you'll ever understand our analogy, because we really don't get it either. ^_~ and when that happens, it's pretty much futile to hope any more...  
  
Mai Wheeler You must be Chrissy's Butcher buddy. *shakes hand* nice to meet you, I'm Tsuki and I go to Lakeview because I was too stupid to pass the Butch test! ^_~ thank you for the very nice review. (heh—it's me that writes these chapters! Christine is just my idea taco! *cackles* thank you thank you I try I try...)  
  
Mai Wheeler my name was changed? Sorry. I love my dumb Inu, and that stupid guy can keep his girlfriend for all I really care right now—so all is back to normal! (except that I'm still sad, I just won't admit it...=_=;;) I love that sentence, it's just like a giant waffle. ^_^  
  
Akina: if you would stop with the Zim references in our review replies, no one would think we were insane.  
  
Tsuki: but where's the fun in that? I mean, you got your happy Butch friends to review. *becomes suddenly well-mannered since Akina is breathing down her neck* um...right. I'll reply some more now, kk?  
  
Akina: *deadpan* kk.  
  
Maiwheeler yeah, we liked that idea a lot. *reaches for coffee*  
  
Akina: you're...drinking...what?! *grabs cup* noooo! You'll be hyper and scary for the rest of the day!  
  
Tsuki: *nods* uh-huh! *downs fifth cup* and once I've had seven, I shake uncontrollably!  
  
Akina: *smacks head on table* it's too early for you to write replies, obviously.  
  
rose19 we tend to delay updates for as long as possible, since we both have jobs right now and sleepovers are getting to be a small hassle. Sorry. Maybe this Friday, since we're both taking a lovely trip to—CANADA! Whooooooo! ...thank you for the review, but I don't really want to leave... ^_~  
  
Tsuki: *whispers* that one was okay...right?  
  
Akina: nearly. Be nicer, they took the time to review. They should be hero- worshiped.  
  
Tsuki: I know...and this is a lot nicer than Mediaminer...  
  
Akina: *nods*  
  
Tsuki: bye everyone! We'll update never!  
  
Akina: tomorrow. We'll be in Canada on Friday, we will update most likely Saturday.  
  
Tsuki: yep, never!  
  
Akina: AAAAUUUGGGHHH! *runs and jumps Tsuki* 


	5. Tsuki made a boo boo

Akina: sorry, this isn't really a chapter. The baka that I write with posted the last one twice.  
  
Tsuki: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *high pitched squeal*  
  
Akina: *covers ears* yeah, so we'll cover this up on Saturday most likely. Sorry about the whole crushed hopes part.  
  
Tsuki: HOW THE HELL DO YOU DELETE CHAPTERS ON THIS—mmmpphing mmebmmte?!  
  
Akina: *sighs* how many times do I have to remind you—we're PG13!  
  
Tsuki: *grumbles* we can always up the rating...  
  
Akina: for your fingers? I think not!  
  
Tsuki: ohhh...okay guys, we'll talk to you later. *waves*  
  
Akina: now the real trick—to end the coffee induced squeaking.  
  
Tsuki: bbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! 


	6. In which we talk more than normal

Tsuki: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akina: it's late on a Saturday night, and we have nothing better to do than...update!  
  
Tsuki: acutally, I am a bad beta reader and have been stalling for time—er, unable to taskmaster...  
  
Akina: ==  
  
Tsuki: let there be light! turns on nifty lamp she found nifty, yes?  
  
Akina: yeah. Hey look, it's not going bold automatically!  
  
Tsuki: dances, cheers, and hops about the room  
  
Akina: right. Well, on with CCT, okay? Tsuki? Tsuki...TSUKI!  
  
Tsuki: hey, did you know my name means 'moon demon'? and or, 'demon of the moon'.  
  
Akina: ...she thought it sounded cool.  
  
Tsuki: sticks out tongue shows what you know. 'Tsuki' I gleaned from a song in my gig book and 'no Oni' I stole because I couldn't just be Tsuki. I mean, 'moon'? It's just weird.  
  
Akina: ah. STORY!  
  
Sesshoumaru walked along, Inuyasha over his shoulder. He pondered the fact that the last chapter had begun this way as well, but decided that thinking about his own life as a book would drive him insane. That's what happened to Tsuki, but he doesn't know who she is, so we'll continue and stop explaining things, because we realize that you don't care.  
  
'Nyway, Sesshoumaru was walking along with Inuyasha over his shoulder, having a gay old time boping the kid's head into low hanging branches whenever he could. The hanyou was not happy nor gay, and vocally complained about Sess' educational methods incessently.  
  
"How is this teaching me anything, baka? You're bonking my head into trees and walking towards the human village!"  
  
"Yes, but why is the village there? That's what you have to think about. What is the deeper meaning behind the tree itself?"  
  
"It's that it frickin hurts!"  
  
(Akina: heh. PG-13.  
  
Tsuki: I gotcha.)  
  
They had reached the village. Sesshoumaru realized suddenly that there was no way to catch the pervert-child and hold his brother on his shoulder at the same time.  
  
Thus, he was faced with a choice. Kill the pervert-child, or kill his brother.  
  
Brother = book. Pervert = sword. What is more important to me?  
  
Sesshoumaru stood there contemplating this when the answer hit him in the head. Actually, it had been Inuyasha, but that's okay too.  
  
He put the hanyou down and bopped him on the head. "Stay," he commanded.  
  
With that, he walked off to find the pervert-child and whallop him until he spit up the Tensigah.  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha watched Sesshoumaru walk off. For a few minutes, he stood in place and waited for his brother. In another couple of minutes, he realized that his brother was taking a long time and that he could easily run away. After a few more minutes, Inuyasha hesitantly took a step.  
  
He flinched, as if expecting the sky to open up and rain firey Sesshoumaru doom down upon his little head. When one of the adult monks bopped him on the head with his monk-stick, he screamed like that Sesshoumaru doom had found him and was trying to turn his head inside out.  
  
That was when he noticed the severe lack of Sesshoumaru in the village.  
  
Grinning with triumph, he turned and ran out of the village. He didn't stop running, either. Oh no, he kept going until he ended up completely lost—just because he was bound to get lost sometime, as stupid as he's degenerated into.  
  
!  
  
Sesshoumaru vs. Pervert-child, Part I  
  
There, higher up on the hill just outside of the village. Sesshoumaru saw the midget pervert spinning about with the Tensigah, as if he could actually weild it.  
  
Pervert-child was actually singing a song. It was a girly song, one that you probably know. He was so caught up in his spinning and his singing that he didn't even notice Sesshoumaru approach.  
  
I love you, You love me, We're a happy family, With a great big hug, And a kiss from me to you, Won't you say you love me too?  
  
(Akina: gags I—knew—that—song!  
  
Tsuki: yeah, well according to you I screwed up the lyrics. And I'm the preschool helper, not you, stupid taco. Why do you know that song?  
  
Akina: mumble mumble ...favorite show... mumble mumble  
  
Tsuki: hides help, she's gonna kill me for typing! I'm sorry, typing is like breathing! I just can't stop!  
  
Akina: but you told my secret! takes away keyboard  
  
Tsuki: chokes ok, I'll go back to the story! Geez, go calm down and watch a few reruns, will ya?)  
  
Sesshoumaru began to twitch. He didn't stop.  
  
Pervert-child began to sing louder and more off-key as he saw Sesshoumaru advancing.  
  
The teen fell to the ground in agony, hands over his powerful youkai ears and whimpering like a baby.  
  
AnouncerPersonFromNowhere: aaaaaaaannnnnndddd, it's Miroku: 1, Sesshoumaru: 0! Who will win in this battle of fates? Stay here for more!  
  
Sesshoumaru sat up and strangled the announcer man. "Make—It—Stop!" he snarled in the dying man's face.  
  
The dying man died.  
  
"Thanks a lot," Sess muttered, trying to find an opening in the pervert- child's attack. He soon discovered that there was none. "Apathy—fading—loosing—conciousness—uhhgg...."  
  
!  
  
Tsuki: we're going to be evil and end this there. But we have more ideas—oh yes, many more. Also--cries--THE END IS NEAR! Really, like we only have planned for a couple more chapters, so far as we're aware.  
  
Akina: why are you saying this, then?  
  
Tsuki: so that the sudden silence of my melodious keyboard doesn't shock them too badly.  
  
Akina: thinks back because I'm going to kill you if you don't review reply now, and I didn't want the sudden silence to be a shock. You're obviously low on creativity today.  
  
Tsuki: hey, you were talking about my screen name, there was only one cup of coffee this morning. My dad made it and he's lazy and didn't put in enough milk or sugar. It sucked.  
  
Akina: right. Coffee. Ick.  
  
Tsuki: kills the barney-watching fiend and now, a spanish interlude.  
  
Todos: yaaayyy! bailamos  
  
Tsuki: es muy malo. Muy malo...mi taco es termina! Aaaawwwww...  
  
Akina: ...my taco is dead? Ai Ai Ai Ai!  
  
Tsuki: Ah! I caramba!  
  
Akina: chases her down  
  
Tsuki: no! no termina la Tsuki! Yo es 'writer' del ustedes!  
  
Akina: I don't care about any steadies or terminators, I only care about review replies! Foo-chee! Foo-chee! Foo-chee!  
  
Tsuki: heh. Heh heh heh. She said 'foo chee' while I was typing. Heh. 


	7. Enter FreakGirl aka, Kagome

Tsuki: silent  
  
Akina: we're listening to the creepy Donnie Darko soundtrack. It's scary.  
  
Tsuki: buries face in Akina's spine I hate that bunny.  
  
Akina: it's the same day as the last chapter we wrote, so you're really lucky.  
  
Tsuki: THE BUNNY! cries  
  
Akina: heh. Heh heh. You're actually afraid of it?  
  
Tsuki: silent  
  
Akina: right. Well, we have some ideas, so we're going to share them with you as soon as I can pry Tsuki's face off my spine.  
  
Tsuki: cries  
  
Sesshoumaru vs. Pervert-child, Part II  
  
Sesshoumaru pulled himself up off the ground, unable to admit to deafeat. Flinching as the pervert's voice grew louder, he reached over and started to strangle the boy.  
  
"I love you...you love...me..." the child struggled to continue singing.  
  
When Sesshoumaru realized that he was singing along with the child, he almost swallowed his own tongue. When the hell had he learned the lyrics of the satan-song? This was a troubling matter, and deserved a lot of thought. He released the child and sat down on a nearby boulder, staring into oblivion as he contemplated the inner meaning of the secretive lyrics. Could it be some form of brainwashing technique?  
  
Left to his own devices again, Miroku knew three things. One, he was angry with the strange demon for trying to kill him. Two, he was holding a sword twice his height and the demon wasn't paying attention to him. Three, he could smell the cheesecake on the youkai and he knew that his stomach couldn't continue without it.  
  
With a squeaky battle cry, he flew from the ground at Sesshoumaru, weilding the Tensigah and his mini-monk stick.  
  
So surprised was Sesshoumaru that he was beaten to the ground again before he could even realize what was happening.  
  
"I wiiiiinnnnnn!" Miroku creened. "Gimmie the cheesecake!"  
  
"No! Not the cheesecake! Anything—but—the—cheesecake!" Sesshoumaru gasped, pratically in tears.  
  
Miroku grinned triumphantly when Sesshoumaru handed him the sacred cheesey-goodness. Unwrapping it, he stuck his face into the triangle-shaped piece of heaven.  
  
"NooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sesshoumaru screamed, watching as Miroku scrubbed the cheesecake into his hair. "No more, no more!"  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha paused when he heard the scream. Either Sesshoumaru had realized he was gone, or Miroku had eaten his sword. Figuring that it was the latter, he looked around again.  
  
The only landmarkish thing in the area was an old well, covered with ivy and overgrown weeds. It was obviously somehow magical however, because there were faint indications of a powerful magical aura that his hanyou senses just barely detected.  
  
He walked closer to the sense of this aura, wondering what it was about the well that made it so much specialer than other wells.  
  
That was when he saw the freak.  
  
She was about his age, with short brown hair and a face disturbingly similar to Kikyo's. For a moment, he was afraid that she was his stalker, but decided that she was the stalker's twin when he saw her funny clothes.  
  
He poked her shoulder, drawing her wide-eyed frightened face to himself. "Hey, why are you wearing such weird clothes? Are you a clown or something?"  
  
"No!" she squeaked. "And who are you to talk, with your kitty ears?!"  
  
"They're dog ears, thanks a lot. And I'm a hanyou. What's your excuse?"  
  
"I don't need one. I'm a normal person from Tokyo, you're some sort of diseased freak. Now leave me alone while I try to get home."  
  
He gaped open-mouthed at her. "Feh," he said automatically. "Well, FreakGirl, I'm going to go home."  
  
"My name is not FreakGirl, thank you very much. It's Kagome. Say it with me now, Ka-Go-Me."  
  
"I can repeat things you know,"  
  
"So you're saying you're part parrot too?"  
  
"No," he was confused. "I'm Inuyasha. But I'm a guy. That's all there is to me, I'm half human, half dog youkai."  
  
"Ah," Kagome replied. "So you mean there are more freaks like you around here?"  
  
"..." he stared at her again. "Sure,"  
  
With that, he turned and walked into the forest again, presumably in the direction that he had come. Remember, the hanyou idiot is lost. Without a word, Kagome followed him to look for more weird people.  
  
!  
  
Sesshoumaru vs. Pervert-child, Part III  
  
Unable to do anything else, Sesshoumaru jumped at Miroku with all of his resolve. He tackled the little kid, prying the sword away from him.  
  
Miroku was angry now, upset that Sesshoumaru had taken away his lunch. He would have eaten the Tensigah after a while you see, because he wouldn't have known what else to do with it. Inuyasha knew that, since he had lost a myriad of toys to the perverted monk-child.  
  
He jumped up and away from Sesshoumaru, whipping out his monk-stick and growling.  
  
"That thingy is mine, now give it back!"  
  
Sesshoumaru gaped at the kid, wondering how his obviously challenged mind had reached that conclusion. There was no way that his precious sword could ever possibly belong to such a degenerate and twisted creature.  
  
"No," he managed, turning to walk back towards his home.  
  
Miroku was mad. Very mad. Like, he was spitting guacamole he was so mad. Sessy-sama didn't notice or care, happy with his sword and the general lack of hanyou in the area. He was unprepared for the pervert-child's final attack.  
  
Running and screaming, Miroku jumped up and grabbed two fist fulls of Sesshoumaru's well-cared-for sliver-blue locks of hair.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
The sword was dropped in an attempt to kill the source of the undescribable pain. Sesshoumaru had never attacked so thoughtlessly before. So when he smacked the back of his own head, it only added insult to injury.  
  
Miroku in the meanwhile had injested the Tensigah. He had had a small amount of trouble fitting it in his mouth, but with some gnawing on the scabbard everything turned out okay after all.  
  
Sess began to cry...  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha knew that his brother was beating up Miroku. He felt sorry for his friend, and then he didn't any more. Payback for every beating I ever got with that stupid little stick of his.  
  
When he paused to verify that he was indeed heading for the human village, Kagome took the opportunity to latch onto his ears. Not just tweaking them mind you, like any sane little kid would, she tried to PULL THEM OFF HIS HEAD!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inuyasha flailed about and tried to shake her off, but it was no use. They ended up falling down a small cliff. Nothing large, but far enough for Kagome to smack her head quite nicely on the rocks. Luckily for our little hanyou hero, he landed on Kagome instead of the other way around and was generally unharmed.  
  
"Whew, glad I'm okay," Inuyasha said, dusting himself off. "C'mon little stalker friend, we have to get back before it gets dark out, or Sessy will kill me."  
  
"My name is...Little Stalker Friend?" she asked curiously.  
  
"No....." Inuyasha said, staring at her blankly. "It's Kagome. Or at least that's what you told me. If you're confessing that your real name is Little Stalker Friend, then okay. But first let me tell you, you have some weird parents."  
  
"No! My name's whatever you just said it was, I wasn't really paying attention to your irritating rambling. I...I can't remember anything!"  
  
Inuyasha was at a loss of what to do. So he shrugged and walked off. "Don't get lost, Little Forgetful Stalker Buddy. There are demons around here."  
  
Little Forgetful Stalker Friend followed him along, not questioning where she was going or who she was anymore. If this story got into paradoxes involving Kagome's mind it would only end up with dead authors and insti- clone jello messes everywhere.  
  
!  
  
Sesshoumaru vs Pervert-child, Final Melee  
  
Sess stared at the child that had just eaten his sword. He wasn't quite sure how exactly the small child had injested it, seeing as the sword was twice his height. But he did know that humans had digestive systems and were full of acid, and that his precious sword was getting eaten by the pervert's tummy.  
  
Wiping off his tearstained face (Tsuki: yeah, I've ditched Akina. She left me again for the pinery and took my vamp buddy with her, so I've kidnapped FufuLupin and she's now my coauthor.  
  
Fufu: because I'm doing so much here. Feel free to write that down. I'll just watch you type all on your own.  
  
Tsuki: hey, isn't this in the middle of a sentence? Oopsies, back to the story. Foo-Chee! I just like onomonopeas.) he ran his hands through his recently offended hair and straightened out his clothes.  
  
Charging at Miroku, he poked his sides repeatedly. "Dance, Monkey!"  
  
"I'm a Monk, not a Monkey!" Miroku wailed. The opening of his mouth caused the sword to be jettesoned from his esophogus (which is also the liver, see Meeting Place for details! .). Sesshoumaru would have joyously run to pick up the long lost Tensigah, had it not been covered with Pervert Saliva.  
  
"EWWW!" Sess exclaimed, looking around for a leaf or something to pick up his sword with.  
  
"It's just spit," Miroku replied in confusion.  
  
"Pervertitos may be contageous!" Sesshoumaru explained in an unintentionally high-pitched girly voice. "I don't want anything gross like that! I already have to disinfect my hair!"  
  
And that was when Inuyasha and Little Stalker Buddy stumbled onto the scene, reuniting our happy twisted charecters, all except for Kikyo. But we don't really like her, so that's okay.  
  
Tsuki: having ditched Akina, I am now proudly an independent author.  
  
Fuf: hey... looks heartbroken I suffered through your butchered typing style, didn't I?  
  
Tsuki: You only love me for my randomness, oh great beta God.  
  
Fuf: never forget it.  
  
Tsuki: sleepy. My funky japanese buns are gone, so I will sleep now. And maybe even review reply in the morning. Since we missed so many in our last talkitive chapter, I'll remember to record them this time. Sorry everyone a billion times!  
  
Fuf: hey, look, it's midnight!  
  
Tsuki: is dead  
  
Fuf: ...I can't reply when I'm the reviewer! Ack!  
  
Tsuki: sits back up  
  
Numisma yeah, we like to think that the people who find our stories will continue to read them...  
  
Mai Wheeler there's a way to physically harm someone with every object that you could think of, you just have to be creative like me!  
  
Akina: coughINSANEcough  
  
Tsuki: ...what was that? lifts handful of marshmallows  
  
Akina: nooooo... covers ears the stickey...  
  
Mai Wheeler utility belt? (in Tsuki's mind: chris = chrissy = Akina) what is this thing that she speaks of, Akina? looks curious  
  
akina kumi-tami there needs to be no cursing here. I decided that we had talked enough in that last chapter and I'm posting them now! Sheesh, always with the foo-chee and the waffles of doom...  
  
UsagiKurari we'll have Sess run the commentary for you. goes back and edits chap I like to think that the battle is defined enough to need no scorekeeper... .  
  
KittySamurai506 Kitty, you know very well that Maddi-chan never follows happy fanfiction rules. I was high on air, it was nighttime and very early in the morning. My computer was there, my Idea Taco was still fresh from the oven of cheese, you know how it is. My mind wanted to speak Spanish, so it came out through my fingers. It's like my flange says to my brain 'I'm in charge now!' and then there's this huge organ battle for dominance, and then I end up with fingers in my head and icky mush on the ends of my hands. All in all, it's a rather inconvenient thing for me. It just really sucks.  
  
fuf I do not fear you, Magical Fufu of Doom. I shall smite thee with my mighty...KITTY! grabs Kitty and beats you  
  
Kitty: O.O Maddi--!  
  
Fufu: #.# owww...  
  
Tsuki/Akina: . and a perfect example of not leaving us alone would be what happened last night. we watch home movies, we eat pizza. Midnight hits and the Inuyasha takes over the TV. You're lucky I didn't stuff you full of ramen at three in the morning, I usually do that to Kitty and Akina.  
  
Tsuki-no-oni Tsuki, you were wrong... T.T there was still school...curse you and your evil powers of jinxing things!  
  
Tsuki: T.T  
  
little meiji gasp kindred MI-haters! grabs Akina and you told me I was the only one...  
  
Akina: we had to say something...  
  
Nehszriah eats waffle nice to see you finally stuck your head in our story. Could have been a happier review. I take it you were typing out your HP fanfic? beats Nez with yummy café food BAKA, THAT PEN WON'T COME OFF MY ARM!  
  
june Akina: T.T people don't hunt ME down thru your stories and tell ME to keep going.  
  
Tsuki: heh. Poor Akina, she's so deprived. 'Nyway, to answer your question, I sort of lost interest. If you liked that try reading Twistings of the Truth. I got that flame from this random person and it sort of shut me down with the whole idea thing. shrugs when school gets out I vow to return to my old stories and finish them for you, okay? .  
  
Akina: gushes there she goes with that same promise again. I'll kill you if you screw everyone over Tsuki.  
  
Tsuki: and I'm gonna be stuck in a cabin with her for half the summer, so I swear not to screw anyone. winces er...I swear to keep my promise. .  
  
HEY EVERYONE WE LOVE REVIEWS AND WE ANSWER THEM ALL, NO MATTER THEY BE FLAME-FILLED OR FULL OF HAPPY COMMENTS! SO BE ALL CHIPPER AND TAKE THE TWO SECONDS TO REVIEW FOR THE INSANE GIRLS! . 


	8. a last ditch attempt

Tsuki: we're back, and we have Japanese music to prove it!

Akina: dances about in a kimono

Tsuki: boogies yeah, so we're not going to write a real chapter to the story. This is going to be a last-ditch attempt to not write the ending. And so, Tsuki and Akina (your wonderful and beautiful and PERFECTLY SINGLE authoresses . hint hint) are proud to introduce…

**The CCT Crew Musical!**

insert triumphant sound effect here

!

Inuyasha and Little Stalker Buddy stared at the dog pile that was Miroku and Sesshoumaru. They weren't really sure what to do, but knew that they had to do something. So Inuyasha opened his mouth and song poured forth.

It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood 

He twirled Lil'Stalker around a couple of times, starting to tap-dance.

Singing is fun, everyone should— 

Sesshoumaru stared at his brother with a look of utter contempt. "I am not going to join this horrendous event. I'm going home and taking a bath."

He stalked off, flipping his long silver hair over his shoulder in anger. Inuyasha walked him go, but didn't spare the teenager much thought as he caught sight of Kikyo.

We're all friends so let's not fight 

Miroku and Kikyo joined in with some well-placed 'la la la's in the background, holding hands and spinning in happy circles. Little Stalker Buddy began to throw flower petals into the air, humming along with Inuyasha's little melody.

_Watch out for Kikyo, she might bite._

"Hey!" the first stalker exclaimed, hurt. "You have to sing about nice things!"

Inuyasha gaped at her. "Did you materialize out of the floor or something? How did you find us?"

"…I heard music."

Oh, I'm a girl with no name, I know this guy that's not really tame 

Little Stalker Buddy began spinning around in circles all on her own, bursting in this happy bundle of stalker between Inu and Kikyo. She grabbed their shoulders and rocked back and forth with the confused mini-priestess and the semi-angry hanyou.

"Hey, I was singing!" Inuyasha protested.

_I'm not sure how I came,_

_And those arrows are really lame._

"What?" Kikyo asked, eyes narrowed. The swaying came to an abrupt halt. So abrupt that Inuyasha's head collided with Little Stalker Buddy's.

"Ow!" they both cried, rubbing the hurt.

"Why did you stop?!" Inuyasha demanded of Kikyo.

She stared at him for a moment, and then sighed. "I think I'd better explain it in song," she confessed.

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "Huh?"

_Every breath you take,_

_Every move you make,_

_Every heart you break,_

_Every step you take,_

_I'll be watching you._

"Ack!" Inuyasha exclaimed, trying to get away. Kikyo whipped out a disposable camera and began snapping pictures of him. Where she got the camera, I have no idea. I'm just a Moon Demon, not a rocket scientist.

Clawing at Kikyo's face and scrambling for a way out, Inuyasha was totally surprised when Miroku began to croon. No, that's not a typo. This kid just opened his mouth and out poured flatness.

_I smell s in—_

_In the air,_

_Who's that lounging—_

_In my chair?_

_Who's that casting—_

_Deviant stares in my direction,_

_Mama this surely is a dream._

And if the key change had been a hurtle, Miroku would have plowed straight into it. The second time he sang those same seven lines over, he got wedged under that hurdle and lost a shoe. And the third time, the hurdle simply grabbed him around the throat and chucked him off the track.

Tsuki helped Miroku out of the bleachers and back onto that track. "You're not allowed out here," she admonished, shaking a finger at him. Akina walked up with a roll of industrial-strength duct tape and handed it to the crazed authoress.

"Here, this'll help," she said, being the helpful taco that she was.

Tsuki set about duct-taping Miroku's shoes to the Track of Dreams. After she was done and the kid was through ally horrified, they stuck a piece over his mouth.

"Take my advice—_never_ try for American Idol," she told him.

Waving cheerily, Tsuki and Akina retreated back to the Bleachers of Authoress Power. The blonde (Tsuki) paused before she got there, though, and ran back to the Track. Grabbing Adult Inuyasha and hauling him off she happily took her seat again.

"You can't just _kidnap_ Inuyasha," Akina told her. Tsuki didn't reply, but hissed at her coauthor and brandished a few claws at her.

"You're just jealous because he's _mine_," she growled.

!

Young Inuyasha looked up from the dog pile that was Little Stalker Buddy, Kikyo, and the paralyzed Miroku.

"I sense a disturbance in the Force," he said suddenly. That was when he noticed the silver stuff that Miroku was wrapped in. "…what is this?" he asked curiously, ripping it off the pervert's face.

"OW!" Miroku screamed, smacking Inuyasha.

"…it's…sticky. What is it?" he asked, playing with the duct tape. Kikyo grabbed it out of his hands.

"Wow, you're right. I wonder…"

She slapped the duct tape down on Inuyasha's head. The hanyou began to protest, as any sane person would.

"Um…guys? I have this bad feeling like that's going to—" Little Stalker Buddy began.

"I don't know if you should be—OH! MOTHER OF GOD! DAMNIT, THAT HURTS! AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!" Inuyasha screamed as Kikyo ripped the ducttape off his head.

It was now a small rectangle of silver hanyou hair.

"Intriguing," Kikyo muttered, studying the tape.

That was when the authors remembered that it was four o'clock in the afternoon and they weren't being very hilarious. And so, the Inuyasha Broadway Show was brought to a close. Future Rin but the chairs on the tables and locked the door behind them, to prevent such a horror from ever occurring again, by order of the Adult Sesshoumaru. And if you're wondering what inspired this, then you'll just keep wondering. Authoresses hold no answers to the anti-logic that is this fic.

!

Tsuki: so the next chap you're going to get is the ending. Sorry.

Akina: cries

Tsuki: but how about some feedback on our last-ditch attempt for a longer story?

Akina: we'll even answer reviews, because that's just how spiffy we are.

Tsuki: and now that my idea slave has given me Japanese music, I'm good to go! .

Review Replies:

Sesshomaru Rules (u know its true)             OK, then we will.

UsagiKurari            1. it came from my flange/brain, I explained that in my last review replies. 2. yes. At least, as far as all we fans know he is. Besides, has any1 ever pulled your hair? It frickin hurts! (Tsuki knows from experience, her hair used to go down to her butt). 3. …um…he…well, he unhinged his jaw like a snake and just kind of shoved it into his tummy, and…well, I dunno. He just did. 4. because what else would she do?  5. why am I answering all these questions? There's really no reason to explain the scarce logic behind this ficlet… 6. since I usually post at 11 on school nights, it only makes two of us night bunnies.

kumi meyano          …yep. I agree to everything. Especially the chapter two part. You go.

kumi meyano          nods whatever would he do without the tales of love and valour? …the world may never know…

kumi meyano               it's Akina's favorite show! How could Tsuki _not_ use that song? innocent eyes AND, mi tacos es MUY bueno, gracias.

kumi meyano               …logic is not Tsuki's friend. Analogy? What is this 'analogy'? oh yeah, we said that didn't we? Well…maybe we'll explain it. Hang in there, there's only one more chapter left! Y.Y

aaannnnddd…a special surprise from Tsuki, the Mediaminer Bunny!

MEDIAMINER REVIEWS:

Ancientdragon          tanky! bows I would tell you that we try, but…well, we don't.

Sessgirl                   you've reviewed a lot for us on mediaminer, which tends to be less review-happy than fanfiction. Thank you very much, we aim for just a little bit of comedy every chapter. We're serious people.

Akina: stifles laughter

Tsuki: smirks

Once again, thank you all for the reviews. I want all you lazy bunnies viewing my pages and LEAVING to pipe up. Why have you left me without feedback? When Tsuki gets discouraged she stops posting chapters. (view my other fanfictions to verify). .


	9. Almost the Ending

Tsuki: hiya! We're back! .

Akina: but not for long. Tsuki has exams in an hour.

Tsuki: so this will be a speedy little chapter, but T.T it's the ending!

Akina: cries

Tsuki: you've all been very wonderful with reviews and everything, thank you SOOOO MUCH! Watch out for any more stories we think up—it's summer now, there's bound to be a lot.

Akina: so here, have some more CCT! Adios muchachos!

Sesshoumaru was relaxed and happy. His hair was up in a pink hairnet and he was reclined in a soothing bubble bath, romance novel held safe above the water. He had kidnapped some random weird humans that seemed to be musical and was gushing over the book while listening to happy-peppy flute and harp music.

(How Tsuki got her harp into the feudal era, we're not sure. It happened. Deal.

Tsuki: one word, Kitty, one word…

Akina: we're in the story for the ending! .)

Yes, this was a great improvement on the oddities of his day. After the hell that his brother had put him through, Sesshoumaru was resolved to _live_ in the bathtub for the next few days. Of course, once he got all gross like a raisen after twenty minutes or so he would have to move on with life, but he was happily deluding his own tormented mind by telling himself that he would never have to leave.

!

Back in that musical clearing of happiness and kiddy songs, Inuyasha was happily dancing to Miroku's butchered voice/lyrics. He was so happy and absorbed in his little dancing in fact, he didn't notice when he accidentally shoved Kikyo off the cliff that they just happened to be standing near.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed. This was followed by a most entertaining noise, which souded something like 'pop-que-_mish_!'

Yes, you guessed right. Kikyo had landed on the back of a slime demon, getting sucked into the green ooze that those fellows are generally coated in. Struggling for air and trying to escape, she was aggrivating the generally peace-loving and calm demon. This was causing him to try and pull her out, which resulted in her total soaking in of green slime.

The other little kiddles rushed over to make sure that she wasn't dead.

"Hey, hold on! We'll send Inuyasha to get you out!" Miroku yelled. He then turned to his friend. "Sorry, you have to be the sacrifical one here. It's your fault."

Pervert Child shoved Inuyasha off the cliff.

"Hurry up, let's go," he said, grabbing Little Stalker Friend's arm and running back towards his village. They both ingorned Inuyasha's curses and his screaming as the slime demon got _really_ irritated.

You see, when these fabled creatres get really irritated their happy green ooze turns a brownish shade and puts off a smell akin to that of a burrito in a portapotty on a REALLY hot hot day.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" Inuyasha cried, scrambling to get away.

"Hey…your hair…is green…" Kikyo muttered. She pointed and laughed at the smelly little hanyou.

Inuyasha bowed his head and began to cry, using his slimy pudgy fingers to drag his nasty green hair over his face. This only make Kikyo laugh harder, which made Inuyasha cry harder, which led to more hair and one _really_ angry slime demon.

That of course, led to an even worse smell. But we won't get into that, we're feeling happy at the moment. Let's see what happened to Miroku and Little Stalker Friend.

!

In the village, Miroku knew that Inuyasha was going to kill him. Logically, his mind registered that he had also taken Inuyasha's female friend. To the mini-pervert, this meant that he would only be safe if he surrounded himself with even more females.

Knowing that his dad would kill him if he got caught anywhere that little kiddies aren't supposed to be, he headed over to the one place in the town that he knew there would be a girl.

She was the same age as the rest of them, brown hair pulled into a ponytail. Miroku thought that she was beautiful, even if she was a little weird. He was actually afraid to talk to her because he didn't have a reason, but the threat on his life seemed to be reason enough to him now.

Her name…was Sango. She sat on the same bucket every day outside of the bookstore and read the last page of any book that she could get her hands on. Sango was never interested in the rest of the story, only the LAST PAGE! A small stack of novels sat next to her already, telling Miroku that she had been there since noon.

He had been watching her for a while, see. It was sorta getting to the creepy stalkerish point.

"Hey, who's that? Do you want to talk to her or something?" Little Stalker Friend asked curiously.

"Hush. This takes concentration and precision. Don't interrupt me while I'm meditating on how best to approach—hey!"

Little Stalker Friend broke away from his grasp and waved brightly at Sango. "Hey! HEY! HEY BOOK-GIRL! OVER HERE!"

Miroku suffered a small heart attack.

Sango looked up and slammed her book shut, grinning and walking over to Little Stalker Friend.

She was staring at Miroku, who was lying on the ground like he was dead. "Hey, you can't die. You brought me here, I don't know how to get back to that weird cat-kid or the slime-girl,"

"Um…maybe I could help. You seemed to know me…?"

"Yeah. This kid on the ground wanted to talk to you, but I think he died or something."

"That's sad. My name's Sango. What's yours?"

"Little Stalker Friend,"

Sango blinked. "Um…okay,"

Little Stalker Friend and Sango lifted Miroku onto their shoulders and headed in the direction that Little Stalker Friend thought they had come from.

"If we follow the scent that smells like really really really bad puke, we'll find them."

Sango twitched but didn't say anything.

"Not just normal puke either, it smells like grandma's old lasagnia and carrots dinner mixed together with some poo and topped off with a little bit of horse manure."

Sango wasn't really sure what half those things were, but she wasn't about to ask. The smell was starting to kill her, and she was too afraid of the weird people to just turn and leave.

!

When Miroku, Sango, and Little Stalker Friend returned to the edge of the cliff, Inuyasha and Kikyo had gotten themselves out of the slime demon. They were climbing up the side of the cliff but falling back down, their hands to slimy to really make a difference on their progress up the cliff.

"Hey! Don't come up here! You smell like poo!" Miroku yelled down at them.

"Then follow me!" Inuyasha called back.

"What?"

"FOLLOW ME!"

"WHAT?"

"FOLLOW! ME!"

"Okay, you don't have to yell that loud. Geeze, crazy boy."

!

Yes, Sesshoumaru was happy. Tsuki on the harp and Akina on the flute were getting a little bit sleepy, and Tsuki was running out of time before she had to go take her exam, but that was all okay and spiffy and the same time. It was relaxing.

In fact, as he turned to the last page of the book, Sesshoumaru thought, _finally. I wish every day could end like this…_

That was when the door burst open.

"Her legs are too short for the side of the bath, we're going to have to throw her in,"

"I can climb!" Kikyo exclaimed.

"Yeah, and none of us are touching either of you when you smell like poo."

Sesshoumaru died a thousand deaths as he looked over the edge of the bath at his brother's little mob of misfit friends.

"What the hell are you doing in he—OH GOD THE STENCH! WHY? MY NOSE! IT'S BURNING! THE BURNING! WHY…? WHY IS THERE BURNING?!"

Little Stalker Friend stifled a laugh. "Your just like cat-boy, only you smell like flowers instead of puke."

Sesshoumaru twitched violently while he stared at the innocent little girl. "Get…out…" he intoned, giving his brother a death glare.

Wrapped in his tail, which is a convinent towel-type thing, he advanced towards his brother. Inuyasha squeaked and began to backpedal.

"But…but Sessy! I smell like puke! You don't want to make your spiffy flowerey scent all icky with my puke! No! Don't kill me!"

Sesshoumaru shoved his precious novel at the closest available person. It happened to be Sango…

Automatically fipping open to the last page, she began to scan it.

"Can I see?" Miroku asked shyly.

"No," she snapped.

Miroku grabbed the book and pulled.

To prevent complications, Sango simply tore out the last page. At the sound of the ripping, Sesshoumaru snapped.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Inuyasha cried, turning and running for his life through the house. Sesshoumaru tore after him, trying to catch the kid and kill him.

Because they hate her and haven't tortured her enough this ficlet, Akina and Tsuki grabbed Kikyo by her slimy sleeves and shoved her into the bath. They then left.

"Ew, you smell like poo Akina,"

"You do too!"

"No, that's just your nose picking up on you." Tsuki explained wisely.

They migrated after Sango and Miroku, who were trailing quite a ways behind Sess and Inu.

!

Tsuki: horray for us! We managed to prolong this long enough for another chapter for you!

Akina: .

Tsuki: so we'll write it later, which is all happy.

usagi kurari     **yaaaayyyyyy! You're our fiftieth reviewer! We love you and your dedication to our story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** 'nyway, to answer your questions…

TsukinoOni="Demon of the Moon" or "Moon Demon" (http:www.freedict.com). Tsuki is the one that talks all the time, even when it says that Akina is. Akina is the one that sits on Tsuki's shoulder and spews out ideas. Tsuki just types them down and acts generally insane. …schizo? Well…since Tsuki finally understands what you mean, she'd have to say that we're being nice. We could have just ended it right there, no real warning besides our repeated claims of "the end is near". …cries you shouldn't understand the swords and humans thing! No one does, it's one of the most talked of topics in our early reviews! …nyway, thanks for your continued faithful reviews!

Sesshomaru Rules (I'm back!) cries we're so sad that it's ending! But then you can tell all your friends about it and they can review their little fingers off! .

akina kumi-tami           …but Akina, we already knew that the italics didn't work! We sat here and played with word forever! cries I'm confused!

Akina: it's okay, I was talking to the people.

Tsuki: you mean people actually read other people's reviews?

Akina: nods at least, I think they do…hmmm…

fuf       what line do you speak of? (you don't respond, you're too busy singing. Instead of killing you, Tsuki simply joins in.) dances

KittySamurai506          so now I'm just a happy perky person? That's all I am to you???! cries first it was the third movie, now it's hitting me with that accursed frying pan… which is why Inu-chan belongs to me, because [I]I[/I] TELL people about movies! grumbles now I have to run off with Akina, and…she smells like cheese, this is really inconvenient! She's going to get taco sauce all over the theatre, and that stuff's really nasty when you sit in it…

kumi meyano   …crazy?? looks puzzled whatever are you talking about??? evil grin and the chibis are cute when they sing, you should see them! Err…what are you talking about, I don't have any anime characters locked in my closet! looks guilty pues, sus tacos poder es malo, pero mi tacos es muy muy MUY bueno. Mi tacos es muy bonita y morena. Mi taco es llamo Akina. Como es su taco? (sorry if that was butchered and not really right! Yo es una espanol uno alumna. .)

Tomiie-789       nods and grins you have to know us to fully comprehend us.

Tomiie-789       …Tsuki likes you, you're funny. But now she'll have to draw a chibi to end the problems you're having seeing our mental images. .

UsagiKurari      HAPPY BIRTHDAY! . sure, we're caring sorta people. Akina even colored you a little birthday cake on the back of a Meijer's receipt, but we couldn't blow out the candles so Tsuki just ate it instead. (it had better actually be your birthday O.o crayons taste nasty).

silver-celestial  …serious? We're capable of serious thought? Hmm….

Nehszriah        Tsuki: eats Stalker Friend's head

Akina: gah! What happened to Kagome's head!

Tsuki: …steamrollers? .

Akina: ==;;;; why do I put up with you?

Tsuki: ramen that ISN'T inferior?

Akina: beats head on desk


	10. Really Really the Ending

Tsuki: chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akina: sleeps  
  
Tsuki: dances places Ultra-Pony in front of Akina's head  
  
Akina: GAH! dies  
  
Tsuki: yay! pulls out chainsaw  
  
Akina: Oh god! runs away  
  
Inuyasha ran for the one place in the house that he thought he could be safe—the kitchens. Living with a giant Inu-Youkai, there had to be GIANT baking pans to make things to scale. Inuyasha decided that he could hide in one of these.  
  
Looping around behind his friends after making this decision, he grabbed the paper out of Sango's hand and kept running.  
  
RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN—there!  
  
Inuyasha darted into the kitchen and jumped into a pan. Unfortiunately, it was full of cheesecake.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Sesshoumaru cried, falling to his knees. "I'm gonna whoop you good, hanyou!"  
  
(Tsuki: aw...I can't say bitch.  
  
Akina: ack! PG13 PG13!)  
  
"Aww..." Inuyasha said. Except his mouth was full of cheesecake mix, so it sorta came out as "BBBBBBBBBB..."  
  
Sango and Miroku turned up in the kitchen moments later, the latter with a large red handprint on either side of his face. Sango was glaring at him, arms folded over her chest. "Idiot," she muttered.  
  
Little Stalker Friend trailed into the kitchen, looking rather lost. She was wearing Sesshoumaru's favorite outfit, the white one with the hexagonal flowers and the pretty decals. "Hey, I found all these neat kimonos Sango. Wanna come have a fashon show?"  
  
Sesshoumaru let out a hellish roar, twitching violently and trying not to rip their chibi-fied little heads off. Instead, he stuck his hand into the cheesecake mix and grabbed some hanyou hair.  
  
That was when it got bad for the little kiddles.  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha lifted the icepack off the top of his head and twitched his ears. They still stung and were rather numb from the ice, which he viewed as a bad thing. Placing the icepack back on top of his head, he looked over at Miroku.  
  
The pervert was still trying to patch himself up, placing bandaid upon bandaid on his face. The funny part was, when you poked his side he said "Stop it!" except that he was having problems speaking with swollen cheeks, so it came out more as "Muff Miff!"  
  
Inuyasha sighed and twitched his ears again. Well, it was only a matter of time before he killed me anyway. I should be thankful that there were five of us to kill instead of just one.  
  
Could have done without getting pulled out of that pan by my ears though...Inuyasha's ears twitched painfully once again and he flopped back on the grass.  
  
"Hey, why are you laying down?" Little Stalker Buddy asked curiously. The only unharmed one, she had been smart enough to jump into a container of corn still wearing Sesshoumaru's clothes. That was what had stopped the onslaught, because the teenager began to cry upon realizing that she had ruined his favorite outfit.  
  
"Because my head hurts. Why are you asking me questions?"  
  
"Because that's what I do. I still don't remember my name,"  
  
"That's nice. You'll be stupid forever,"  
  
Suddenly, adult charecters dropped out of the sky and circled the little hanyou. Tsuki was weilding a shovel, glaring menacingly at the idiot child. "Everyone loves Kagome except for you," Akina growled, left eye twitching. "You will learn to love Kagome..."  
  
Jeninji, Tsuki, Akina, Kouga, Ginta, Hikaku, Kagura, Kanna, Sango, Miroku, Shippou, Kirara, Naraku, Peach Man, Kikyo, Keade, Jaken, Toto-Sai, Myoga, Sesshoumaru, Rin, Hojo, Kagome's Grandpa, Souta, Kag's three High School buddies, her mom, the Noh Mask, Mistress Centipede, Yura of the Hair, and every villager known to man began to gang-beat Inuyasha. Buyo latched onto the top of his head, replacing the icebag. Little Stalker Friend just blinked and watched.  
  
"I've got ten on the cat," MiniMiroku told MiniSango. She shook her head.  
  
"The kid with the shovel is pretty vicious,"  
  
"I vote for the flea," MiniKikyo told them. "It keeps going up his nose, it's going to choke him."  
  
"Hmm," MiniMiroku said thoughtfully. "You could be right."  
  
"Do I have any money on the quiet kid with the mirror?" MiniSango called, waving bet tickets over her head to the spectators that had come from the nearby village. "How about the freak in the monkey suit? Any takers?!"  
  
!  
  
Sesshoumaru was happy. He was grounded, which meant that not only could he not bother his brother (as if I would want to) but his brother couldn't bother him (yay!).  
  
He was sitting in a fresh bath, after he had chucked the poo-scented mini- miko out the window. She had fallen down a cliff, which was bad for her but good for him. That was when Sess decided that he liked killing things.  
  
With his hairnet firmly in place on top of his head and a plate of fresh cheesecake on the side of the tub, he settled back to enjoy the silence. Leisurely, he broke off a chunk of cheesecake and put it in his mouth.  
  
Sesshoumaru didn't notice that it was a deformed piece of cheesecake. However, he thought it tasted rather papery and bland...oh crap.  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha hobbled into the house, looking like a deformed crossbreed between a cat, a pufferfish, and a taco. He was dragging himself along, trying to get to his room, when a wet naked Sesshoumaru appeared in the hallway.  
  
"You are the insolent one. Prepare to die today," he announced grimly, pulling Tenisgah out of thin air.  
  
"Sess..." Inuyasha muttered, narrowing his eyes.  
  
Sesshoumaru waved the sword. Inuyasha, fully healed, was still staring at him. "Vengence has been had,"  
  
"Sess...did you go crazy?"  
  
Sesshoumaru turned and walked into the wall.  
  
"What caused it?" Kagome asked curiously, popping up behind Inuyasha.  
  
"I'm not really sure, but I think it can be related back to swords and humans. You might have to strain to think up a connection, but I'm sure there's one there."  
  
Kagome narrowed her eyes. "You mean the birds and the bees? No way, baka. My mom told me all about that. If anything happened to your crazy brother, it was you. I'm tired and I smell, I'm going home. See you never, bye."  
  
Inuyasha wasn't paying attention to her. He was suffering a revelation, and the strain had clogged his mind. ...birds and bees? I'll have to talk to Miroku...  
  
Tsuki: END! END END END END END! dances  
  
Akina: finally. We managed to make our one-shot a ten-chapter long monstrosity.  
  
Tsuki: that's because you have me, and I can make a single day last for forty chapters! Witness the amazing super-authoress powers of TSUKI!  
  
Akina: sighs yes, we know. And now, our LAST REVIEW REPLIES! Any after this will be responded to by email if Tsuki has enough free time over the summer.  
  
Tsuki: but I can't respond if there's no email address, sowwie.  
  
Akina: plus, her computer is suffering some MAJOR virus. But that's okay, she loves you all enough to break into someone's house and steal their computer to reply.  
  
Tsuki: grins, pulls out chainsaw MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Akina: but hey, don't cry because it's over! Go and find our next story...KINDERGARDEN RENEGADES! Or...the Chibi Inu gang goes to kindergarden!  
  
Tsuki: staring Tsuki as their happy teacher and Akina as their TA! . but first, review replies!  
  
choco-coco thanks! Hope you read the rest of our fic!  
  
usagi kurari yay! You should feel special! Happy b-day! 1) grins 2) grins wider 3) Tsuki: you're just jealous!  
  
Akina: Oh God, I never thought of it that way. fwacks Akina over the head  
  
Tsuki: . silly Akina...  
  
fuf you should. And fuf, Tsuki only has one thing to tell you...dum dum dum, another one bites the dust, dum dum dum, another one bites the dust, and another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust! Hey, I'm gonna getcha too, another one bites the dust.  
  
Epilouge (for those people that actually skim the review replies, because they love us. . Tsuki is an evil authoress! .)  
  
!  
  
Inuyasha itched the top of his head after Miroku was done explaining. "So...wait, how the hell do you know all of this?"  
  
The hanyou continued to scratch the top of his head. The look on his face went from one of annoyance to a look of sheer confusion.  
  
"Monk," Miroku explained, as if it were obvious. Inuyasha began to pat his head, facial expresion becoming one of panic. "Problem?" Miroku asked.  
  
"Where the hell did all the hair on the top of my head go to?!"  
  
flashback  
  
That was when he noticed the silver stuff that Miroku was wrapped in. "...what is this?" he asked curiously, ripping it off the pervert's face.  
  
"OW!" Miroku screamed, smacking Inuyasha.  
  
"...it's...sticky. What is it?" he asked, playing with the duct tape. Kikyo grabbed it out of his hands.  
  
"Wow, you're right. I wonder..."  
  
She slapped the duct tape down on Inuyasha's head. The hanyou began to protest, as any sane person would.  
  
"Um...guys? I have this bad feeling like that's going to—" Little Stalker Buddy began.  
  
"I don't know if you should be—OH! MOTHER OF GOD! DAMNIT, THAT HURTS! AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW!" Inuyasha screamed as Kikyo ripped the ducttape off his head.  
  
It was now a small rectangle of silver hanyou hair.  
  
"Intriguing," Kikyo muttered, studying the tape.  
  
end flashback  
  
"See, Inuyasha, while you were unconsious after Sess killed you...we sorta had a little bit of fun with that silver stuff we found." Miroku said sheepishly.  
  
Several tic marks popped up around Inuyaha's head as he advanced towards Miroku, bearing his claws. "You're going to pay..."  
  
!  
  
In a small hut back in the village near the well, Little Stalker Friend and Kikyo were having some fun with their miko powers. On the table was a box with Inuyasha's hair in it. Kikyo was holding the corresponding voodoo doll.  
  
"I think it's time for Inu to do a little dance," she said to Little Stalker Friend.  
  
"Oh, oh, can I help? Huh? Huh?"  
  
"This is very precise and detailed work, nothing that a dimwit like you could possibly—HEY! LEGGO OF MY HANYOU!"  
  
Little Stalker Friend and Kikyo engaged in a tug-of-war against each other over the hanyou doll. Voodoo Inuyasha got a little bit stretched out, but that was okay for the time being.  
  
!  
  
"Whoa, you hitting puberty or something?" Miroku asked as Inuyasha got a foot taller.  
  
"What the hell?! Now I'm not a bald kid, I'm a bald GIANT!"  
  
"Horemones, man, they do that to you," Miroku said, sadly shaking his head.  
  
!  
  
Kikyo and Little Stalker Friend growled at each other. (Didn't expect them to get along, didja?)  
  
That was when Kikyo let go of Voodoo Inuyasha. Little Stalker Friend fell flat on her butt and smacked her head on the table.  
  
"I remember!" she exclaimed.  
  
At the same time as she pumped her fists into the air she let go of Voodoo Inuyasha. He sailed over Kikyo's head and into the fireplace.  
  
"Uh-oh," Kikyo muttered, staring into the flames with a worried expression.  
  
!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! BURNING? WHY?! WHY IS THERE BURNING?! WORSE THAN THE FLAMES OF A THOUSAND SUNS! AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
"Cool, now you're a bald giant rolling around on the ground screaming. Wait a sec while I go get a stick to poke you with," Miroku said helpfully.  
  
!  
  
END! Buh-bye, we love you lots! Go read our new ficlet, KINDERGARDEN RENEGADES! 


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